Clean+Up

** CLEAN UP ** By Harrison Pyros // (Tony is onstage. Jeff walks on holding an orange vest and puts it down on the table near both of them.) // Jeff: Tony, did you hear what happened? Tony: No. What? Jeff: There was some chemistry accident today during period two. Tony: Oh, cool. Did anyone die? Please tell me Ms. Snappleback bit it! Jeff: What? No! Tony, how could you think that? Tony: You hate that teacher too, Jeff. Jeff: Anyway, no one died, much to your morbid disappointment. But that kid Alex Something did get a nasty burn. //(Sympathetic.)// They had to take him to the hospital. Tony: So what? A stupid kid mixes two chemicals together and blows his eyebrows off. If it’s not interesting, why are you telling me this? Jeff: Because //(He hands Tony the orange vest.)// we’re on the Campus Clean Up Crew and we have to help clean up the mess. Tony: We? You mean //you// have to clean up the mess. Jeff: No, //we// do. As in you and me. //(Holds up two fingers.)// Dos. The two of us. We’re both on student council and it’s required and mandatory. And it’s the least we can do for what happened to Alex. Tony: Who cares about Alex? I don’t want to waste my time cleaning up a mess some dumb guy made because he couldn’t keep two chemicals separated. //(Imitates a stereotypical stupid voice. He pantomimes himself holding two beakers.)// D-u-u-u-u-h. The teacher said not to mix these, but I wonder what will happen if I mix these to highly explosive and dangerous chemicals. Maybe they’ll make pretty colors! D-u-u-u-u-h. //(Pantomimes pouring the contents of one beaker into the other and then throws up his arms and waves them all around, making some kind of explosion noise.)// Jeff: How can you say that? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: //(Being a smart-alek)// Well, Jeff, first I think the thoughts in my head. Then I form them into words. Then I speak those words using this cool thing //(Points to his mouth.)// and a nifty gadget called the English language. Fascinating, right? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: You can be very hurtful sometimes, Tony. You know that? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: And you sometimes smell like nasty socks after P.E., but that’s not the point. The point is, I’m not going. It’s not even my responsibility. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: Yes it is! You’re on the student council. You got yourself elected, though I’m not sure how. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: I only did it for the party at the end of the year! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: And now you have to help the Campus Clean Up Crew. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: //(Folding his arms.)// I already told you. I’m. Not. Going. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: //Yes// you //are//. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: //No// I’m //not.// <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: I swear; you are as stubborn as a mule! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: Did you just call me a donkey? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: No, you moron. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: I’m still not going. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: Yes you are! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: You can’t make me! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: You want to bet? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">// (Suddenly Tony's eyes widen and he tries to run away. Jeff grabs him and starts to drag him towards the door.) // <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: //(Screaming like a child.)// No! No! I don’t wanna! Stop! Let me go! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Jeff: Shut up! //(Struggling to keep his hold on Tony as he opens the door.)// You are going to help others for once. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 19px;">Tony: No! I don’t want to! It’s not fair! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">// (Jeff pulls Tony out the door and it closes. Suddenly, Tony opens the door and tries to run back inside when the audience sees Jeff's hand grab Tony by his collar and pull him out the door again.) //

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 200%;">**THE END**