Mother+Bears+Protect+Their+Cubs+-+Memoir

Mother Bears Protect Their Cubs

**“Now, if you forget anything, look at me, honey. I’ll be right here to show you what to do,” Sara said. I was at my second competition ever, and my coach was giving me last minute instruction before I took the ice.**

**“Remember, just have fun with it,” Sara said. She was smiling wide, and her eyes were twinkling with reassurance and encouragement. At that point, she could’ve told me I was being sentenced to my death and I still would have believe that I was about to have the time of my life.** **I took the ice, my teeny white dress covered in sparkly silver stars reaching a little above my knees, and I went into my beginning pose, my hands on my hips and my left heel in the ice. My music started – “Under the Sea” from the Disney Movie //Ariel// – and I immediately forgot my choreography.**

**I looked at Sara. She signaled for me to use my “pretty fingers” and circle them over my head. My chubby little legs sent me stumbling forward, and I felt faster than the speed of light, enjoying the feeling of the crisp rink air hitting my face as I skated past the audience – in all reality, I was probably going just //slightly// faster than the rate of a snail.**

**I spent the rest of the program looking over my shoulder for guidance from Sara, and I tried to do //exactly// what she said to the best of my ability. When she said to do plain forward stroking, I pushed with as much force as my beat up rental boots would let. When she said to do a swizzle-hop, I thought that I was going to hit the ceiling with my head because I jumped so high.**

**It was finally time for the program to finish, and I was sad that my shining moment was about to end. However, I didn’t let my sadness keep me from hitting my ending pose with all the dazzle-power I had. I thrust my arms up diagonally in the air, dug my left heel in the ice in the same position it was in when I first started that spectacular performance, and threw my head back, allowing the applause from the audience (mostly coming from my mom) to consume me, my cheek bones hurting from smiling so much. I skated my way off the ice, feeling as graceful as Michelle Kwan, and allowed Sara to lift me off the ice.**

**“You did amazing, sweetheart!” Sara exclaimed as I got off the ice, and I noticed that not only was she smiling larger than she was before I started my program, but the sparkle in her eyes was stronger, too.**

**We waited about ten minutes for the results to come up, and when they finally came, Sara picked me up so I could look at the paper deciding my fate myself. I got first place – mainly because I was the only competitor in my group – and I remember feeling __SO__ __PROUD__ of my coach and I. This was the moment that I like to think of as the beginning of my life-long relationship with Sara, one built on friendship, love, and trust.**

I remember one early morning when I was nine. My mom had driven me all the way to Van Nuys to skate because Pickwick was closed that morning. I walked through the doors of the rink and inhaled deeply, taking in the chilled scent that came with every ice rink. I looked around, and only two other people were there – my friend, Annabelle, and her mom, Megan. I ran over to Annabelle and we warmed up together and put on our skates.

We started going through our edges together, and that was when Sara arrived. We both waved and glided to the entrance, waiting for Sara to come out. She got on the ice and started taking me. I looked at the clock as we skated around the edge of the ice together – it was 5:55am. Sara took me for twenty minutes, and then she took Annabelle for twenty minutes. She took both of us together for ten minutes to play a bit, and then she went back to me. It was 6:45am, and I only had half an hour left before I had to get off the ice and go to school. I was a little upset that the time went by so fast, because I wanted to stay on the ice with Sara and Annabelle forever, but that’s how I felt every morning, so I shook it off and waited for Sara to instruct me to go do something. Sara was opening her mouth to say something when Megan came to the entrance of the rink, beckoning Sara to come.

“I’ll be right back, Alexia. You go work on your axels,” she said.

“Okay,” I replied with a smile. I skated into a mohawk and was setting up to put my left leg down into my axel, but I was distracted by a disturbance on the other side of the rink. I looked to the opposite side and saw Megan and Sara in a heated argument. They were in waving their fingers in each other’s faces, and every time Megan took a step back, Sara took a step forward. I could hear their screaming voices echo off the empty walls of the rink, but the words were too jumbled to hear what they were saying.

I was scared to death. I remember thinking, //Oh no, someone’s going to get hurt//. I backed away from the entrance of the ice, shaking slightly, my face buried in my hands as I cried. I wanted to scream at them to stop fighting, but I also wanted to hold Sara and never let go. I don’t know why, but I felt like I had to do something, ANYTHING to stop the madness, even though I had no idea what I could possibly do to help the situation. I was debating whether or not to get off the ice and drag Sara away from Megan and back onto the ice with me and Annabelle, but I saw my mom wave at me and mouth, “Get off the ice. School.” I looked at the clock. It was only 7:05! Even if I had to skate through screaming and shouting and a knot in my stomach, I didn’t want to be cheated of my ice-time. However, I knew that I couldn’t disobey my mom, so I waited for Megan and Sara to pass the entrance again so I didn’t have to walk past them while they fought. Later, my mom would tell me what the fight was about – Megan was complaining that Annabelle wasn’t getting enough attention. My heart was shattered. Now, being older, I understand that what happened wasn’t my fault. But I was only nine back then, and I thought I was the one to blame. I’d never seen Sara act that way before. Sure, she’s been strict and rough on me in the past, but it’s always been to benefit me in some way, and it had //never// gotten to this point. I’m still haunted by that feeling of dread and guilt that the whole situation brought me. Every time I’ve gone to that rink since that frightful day, I’ve cringed in remembrance. Sara had shown this other side of her that I’d never seen before, and suddenly, I was terrified that after all we’d been through with each other, maybe I didn’t know who Sara truly was. Maybe she was really that monster that I saw screaming at Megan, and the sweet, caring lady I knew was all an act. This especially scared me because, if I didn’t know who Sara was, then I really didn’t know who I was either.

The next day, I told Sara how scared I was during that whole time. I didn’t elaborate on the reason why I felt that way. But I listened to what she had to say, and the words she said have stayed with me ever since.

“Alexia, I need you to listen to me. I’m like… I’m like a mother bear, and my students are my cubs. I’ll protect my cubs from everything. Including their own parents, if I need to. And that’s what I was doing yesterday. I was protecting Annabelle – and you.”

After she said that, I felt completely stupid for somehow doubting that Sara was her true self with me. Of course she was protecting Annabelle and I – there was no other logical explanation, was there? We continued having our mother-daughter like relationship, and I felt closer to her than ever before.

Sara and I have something special that I’m not sure most people have. I know that I have someone to look to when I need help, someone that I can trust with anything and everything, someone that I know is always looking out for me. I can only hope that she knows that I’ll always be there for her in the same way.