NO+GUTS!

**__ Naira Demirchian & Davit Papoyan __** **__ Characters: __** Samantha: the mother of the family, very strict and blunt Doug: An overprotective father of two children he is proud of     Extras: Summer and Ben, the children (Samantha and Doug walk on stage, looking confused and contemplative) Doug: A rated- R movie? Samantha: That’s what they said. Summer and Ben want to go to the premiere of //Guts Everywhere.// Doug: I mean, the title just says it all! Our children want to see that over their upcoming three- day weekend? Samantha: I know! What’s the movie even about, Doug? Doug: Guts. Going… everywhere? Samantha: Nice, we’re thinking about letting our 13 year old daughter and ten year old son watch a movie about people blowing each other’s heads off. Doug: Well, Samantha, I hear they don’t show ALL the guts. Samantha: SO WHAT? Do you really think I’m going to let my children watch a movie about exploding organs? And at a midnight premiere to top it all off! When wack- jobs are dressed like the main characters and walk around with water pistols saying, “Hey, I hate your guts!” (Imitates sound of water pistol) Doug: No, I don’t. But Samantha- Samantha: Really, Doug? You’re going to argue? Doug: No, it’s just that, it sounds like you think our children aren’t responsible enough to handle a simple movie. Samantha: Of course I think they’re not responsible enough! Summer still thinks the Hogwarts School of Magic is going to send her an acceptance letter and Ben still plays with dolls! Doug: ACTION FIGURES. Samantha: Same thing! The point is, they’re still too young to see an adult movie. Doug: I think our children are very mature. Summer helps you with the cooking and cleaning, and Ben has a record for receiving the highest amount of academic awards in the history of our state! Samantha: It doesn’t matter to me. And it shouldn’t to you either. Let me ask you something. Doug: What? Samantha: How do you feel when you picture your little girl; who still calls you “Daddy”, and pretends she still believes in Santa Clause so you can wear the Santa suit you like so much; sitting in dark movie theatre and watching big men with tattoos blow the head’s off other big men with tattoos! Doug: I’m not saying I want them to watch it. I just think we shouldn’t say no without considering the options. Samantha: OK. Options: our kids spend their three- day weekend visiting their grandmother’s farm in the valley. Or go to a movie with a bunch of giant scary men pointing guns at each other and cursing every two seconds. Yeah, I think we know the answer to that. Doug: That was a very biased opinion. Samantha: Tell me what’s good about letting our children go to that movie late at night! Doug: When they get scared of all the blood, it’ll teach them that violence is bad? Samantha: Actually, studies show that whatever kids see on TV, they reenact in everyday life. Do you want your 10 year old boy cursing at you every two seconds? Doug: Well, maybe we can go with them, and supervise? Samantha: They already made it very clear that they don’t want adult supervision. Doug: But how will they buy their tickets to go in if they aren’t the appropriate age? They NEED us. Samantha: They just want us to buy the tickets for them, and then they’ll go in by themselves. Doug: What if we say we won’t buy it unless they agree to let us go with them? Samantha: If they can get access to the internet, they can log on to our AMC account and buy AMC Movie tickets online. Our account info is under your name, and it has your age, so they can buy R- movie tickets easily. Doug: There’s just no way out of it, huh? Samantha: Unless, we say no to them now, and ship them off to their grandmother’s. Doug: OK, let’s give it one more try. Why don’t we watch the movie trailer online, and see what exactly is in the movie? Samantha: Fine. (They sit down, set up their computer and watch the trailer, throughout trailer, they say the following) Doug: The movie does sound interesting. (Samantha nods) BOTH: WHOAH! Samantha: Someone ought to wash his mouth out with lots of soap! Doug: OK, it is humanly impossible to pull someone’s arm off like that! Samantha: (After trailer, she stands up) OK, our children are not watching that! Doug: I thought they might be mature enough, but I’M not even mature enough! Samantha: They’re going to their grandmother’s farm whether they like it or not! Doug: OK, but what’ll we do over the weekend? Samantha: Well, the movie did seem interesting. Doug: But they’ll be angry if we see it without them. Samantha: We can just tell them we’re going to see the romantic comedy you’ve been dying to see. Doug: Deal! **__ THE END __**
 * __ NO GUTS! __**