The+Artichoke+Mugging

THE ARTICHOKE MUGGING

=//(A well-dressed man and woman stroll down a darkened alley deep in a quiet conversation. Suddenly, a surly mugger steps out of the shadows, pointing a green object at the couple)// =

=Mugger: All right, buddy! Stick ‘em up! = =Man: I beg your pardon. Are you addressing us? = =Mugger: You bet your sweet accent I am. Now hand over your wallet before I’m forced to disassemble your bodies! = =Woman: Let me get this straight… Is this a stick-up? = =Mugger: Sure. You know how it goes. I point a weapon at you, and say, “Gimme da money.” Ain’t you never seen TV? = =Man: I hope you don’t mind my saying. But the only weapon you appear to possess is an artichoke. That is an artichoke, is it not? = =Mugger: Of course. What else do you know dat’s green and shaped like dis? Now gimme your money. I ain’t got all night. I gotta go pick up my dog from disobedience school. = =Woman: I’m sorry. Terribly sorry. But somehow this doesn’t seem exactly right. You are //threatening// us with an artichoke. = =Mugger: That’s right! And I know how to use it! = =Man: I’m sure you do. However, what makes you believe we’d fear an artichoke? = =Mugger: Er… Whaddaya mean? = =Woman: I’m trying to understand why you think your pointing an artichoke at us would induce us to give you our money? = =Mugger: Uh… now that you mention it, I ain’t really sure. All I know is that it always worked before! = =Man: Oh? You use that vegetable often? = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Mugger: Sure. Every night for the past three years. Most people are scared to death! = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Woman: How very curious. I wonder… Is it loaded? = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Mugger: How can you tell? = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Man: Try checking the outermost leaf. //(Woman checks)// No. No. It appears empty. I hate to disappoint you, but all you have here is a normal, everyday artichoke. Quite harmless, actually. = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Mugger: Gee! I’m sure glad you told me! Just think, I musta held up ten or twelve people tonight with nothing but an artey-choke! = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Woman: Ten or twelve people? Did you make much money? = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Mugger: Yeah, sure. I probably got a good five thousand bucks on me tonight. = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Man: Five thousand dollars? How very interesting. Well, I don’t have an artichoke on me, myself. But… //(Pulls a gun out of his pocket)// I do have this nine-millimeter automatic pistol… with a… full chip. Pointed at your body. So perhaps you would be kind enough to hand over all //your// money. = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Mugger: Hand over my money? Give me one good reason, son! //(The Man rolls his eyes and cocks the gun and points it at the Mugger again)// Not a bad reason! //(The Mugger throws all his money at the Man and Woman, drops the artichoke, and runs away offstage. The Woman then starts to pick up the cash and the Man scoops the artichoke off the ground and starts to eat it while they both walk offstage)// = = = <span style="display: block; font-family: Georgia,serif; text-align: center;">THE END = = = = =<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Note: I didn’t really make this whole scene up. I performed it with Claire Dugger and Mia Viesca for our Drama final. But we changed a bunch of stuff so I guess we can call it “ours." I was the Man, Claire was the Woman, and Mia was the Mugger. =