Library+Scenes

 Library Scenes By Harrison Pyros **// (The Librarian is sitting at her desk onstage stamping books. The Kid walks in with a backpack on. The Librarian looks up and sees him) //** Librarian: Hey, you. No backpacks in the school library. Kid: Why? The rack outside is over-flowing with backpacks. Librarian: Well, there are certain precautions we have to take. Kid: Like what? If you ask me, it’s much more convenient to bring our backpacks in here. Like, say I come in here to do some school report and whoops! I forgot my pencil and paper. So then I go back outside and get. Then I need the instructions for the report. So I go all the way back and get my binder. Then— Librarian: You might steal a book and hide it in your backpack. Kid: Really? That’s your excuse? Librarian: You’d be surprised. **// (Both turn to the audience and say, “Story time.” The Kid exits and the Librarian stays sitting on the stage reading a book. A Burglar enters. She is tip-toeing behind the Librarian. With every step she takes, a loud, outrageous sound is made. The Kid, or one of the other two characters not introduced yet could be making the sounds) //** Burglar: **//(Tiptoeing)//** **__Crash! Boom! Bang! Honk! Crunch! Moo! Ah-ooga!__** **//(The Librarian keeps reading her book, completely unaware of what’s going on behind her. The Burglar slips off her backpack and unzips it. The person offstage says, “Z-i-i-i-p,” as the Burglar unzips the backpack. She sets the open backpack on the floor)//** I’ll take… hm… let’s see… Oh! Harry Potter! **//(She throws the book into the backpack, not seen by the audience, on the floor as the person offstage starts to make sounds again. After announcing the title of each book, she throws them down into her backpack)//** **__Snap!__** Twilight! **__Crack!__** War of the Worlds! **__Beep! Beep!__** Dracula! **__My leg!__** How to steal Books for Dummies! **//(After she throws the book down, her phone starts to ring. The person offstage makes the obnoxious ringtone)//** Ring! Ring! **__Your phone is ringing! Pick up your phone! Ri__**— **//(The Burglar picks up the phone)//** What? What? Hello? What did you say? I didn’t even say— Wait, what? I can’t hear you! You’ve got to annunciate!... Yeah, yeah I can hear you now. Yes, I’m stealing the books! Stealing! Books! S-T-E-A-L-I-N-G! //Stealing//! Hello? You still there? Oh, whatever. **//(She hangs up)//** I think I have enough books. **//(She picks it up and zips the backpack as the person offstage says, “Z-i-i-i-p,” again. Then she quietly, almost silently clears her throat. The Librarian’s eyes widen and she whips around)//** Librarian: Aha! Burglar: **//(Screams in fright)//** Librarian: There are no backpacks in the library and— Burglar: Yes ma’am! (She runs offstage with the backpack) <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (The Kid reenters) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: That was the stupidest story I’ve ever heard. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: Well, it’s true. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: Okay, sure. Let’s say it did happen. So an idiot steals some books. What are they going to do with them? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: Sell them. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: **//(Sarcastic)//** Yeah, ‘cause everyone wants some book surrounded with a cheap plastic cover and has a card glued on the inside that has been stamped about 2 billion times. Then there’s the page stamped, “Property of John Muir Middle School Library.” Not to mention the pages that are worn, folded, crinkled— <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: Hey! I’m going to tell a story. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (The Librarian turns to the audience and says, “Story time.” The Kid rolls his eyes and groans. They both exit. Book-dealer 1 and 2 enter from opposite sides of the stage. They approach each other like drug dealers. With their heads down low and their hands in their pockets of their pants or coats) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Book-dealer 1: You got the money? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Book-dealer 2: You got the books? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (Book-dealer 1 looks side to side then reaches into his coat pocket and hands Book-dealer 2 a book. Book-dealer 2 takes it and smells it) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Book-dealer 2: Oh, yeah. That’s good stuff. Pages so fresh I could get a paper cut. Here’s your money. **//(She tosses him a wad of money and continues smelling the book)//** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Book-dealer 1: Thanks. **//(He starts to walk away with the money when Book-dealer 2 opens the book)//** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Book-dealer 2: Hey! You cheated me! This is a library book!Book-dealer 1: **//(Scared)//** What? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Book-dealer 2: **//(Throws down the book and takes out a weapon from her coat)//** You’re going to pay! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (Cop enters pointing a gun at both of them. The Burglar can play the Cop) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Cop: Freeze, suckers! The cops are here. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (Book-dealer 1 looks back and forth between Book-dealer 2 and the Cop, then faints) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Book-dealer 2: **//(Over dramatic)//** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (The Cop and Book-dealer 2 start to run towards each other with their weapons raised in slow-mo. Just before they’re about to hit each other, the Kid runs onstage) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: Stop the story! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (The Cop and Book-dealer 2 freeze. The Kid gently pushes them offstage. Book-dealer 1 exited when the two were running at each other. The Librarian is back onstage in her chair) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: I was just getting to the exciting part! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: That one was worse than the first one, and plus all that stuff would never happen. //Never//. And also another thing: The backpack rack out there is a hazard. Especially when it’s stuffed full. If some kid is trying to get their backpacks out of there and they pull their backpack and its stuck, then that whole rack of heavy backpacks come tumbling down on them and all the other kids around them. And what do you know; you’ve got a bunch of hurt kids and a boat-load of angry parents. And just like that **//(He snaps his fingers)//** the school has several lawsuits on their hands. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: Now who’s making up stories. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (Bell rings) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: Talking to you is useless! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: That was the bell. You should go to class. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (Boy and Girl walk across stage) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Boy: **//(To the Librarian)//** Bye. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Girl: bye Ms. Librarian. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: Bu-Bye. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (The Boy and Girl open the door leading outside and look for their backpacks on the rack. They are doing this while the Kid is talking to the Librarian) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: I’m coming back tomorrow to see if we can finish this debate. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (The Boy and Girl find their backpacks and tug on them. The entire rack comes tumbling down on them. There doesn’t have to be a rack, the actors can just pantomime it. The Boy and Girl are lying on the ground moaning) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Student: **//(Runs onstage)//** What was that crash? **//(Opens the door and trips over the Boy. She falls to the ground)//** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Kid: **//(Irritated)//** Well, goodbye for now. **//(Mumbles)//** This lunch was a big nothing. **//(Walks out with his backpack and trips over the Student)//** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px;">Librarian: **//(Gets up and walks to the door and sees four kids on the ground covered in backpacks)//** What are you kids still doing here? Oh my Gosh, my backpack rack! You all have detention! <span style="display: block; font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18.66px; text-align: center;">END SCENE