Couples+Therapy

(Jeremy and Lilly enter Dr. Devorse’s office) Jeremy: Hello? Is someone here? Lilly: Well, of course! There is someone right there, you dim wi- I mean, my honeybunches. Dr. Devorse: Hello! You must be Mr. and Mrs. Cole! Jeremy: Yes. Lilly: Mmmmhhmm. Dr. Devorse: Is it alright if I call you Jeremy and Lilly? Jeremy: Sure, that’s fine. Lilly: At least I won’t have to be known as his Mrs. Dr. Devorse: And I am your couple’s therapist, Dr. Devorse. Jeremy: Dr. DIVORCE? Dr. Devorse: No, my name is spelled D-E-V-O-R-S-E, not like the word divorce. Jeremy: Oh, alright. Lilly: Ugh, so close. Dr. Devorse: First, let me set out this tissue box. (Sets out tissue box) Some couples really like to let it all out. Alright, why don’t we start by you two telling me a little bit about yourselves? Like, what are your occupations? Jeremy: Um, what’s an occupation? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: (irritated) It means job, my sweetie pie. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: So, Jeremy, what do you do? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: I’m in advertising. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: How interesting! Tell me more, go on! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: Well, I like it. It’s definitely something different every day, which could be fun. But sometimes I feel like it’s really stressful and tiring and time-consuming. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Well, that’s fascinating! Lilly, how about you? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: I’m a counselor at a middle school. It could be interesting, but sometimes those kids annoy me. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Annoy you, how? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: Well, you know middle schoolers. Snotty little brats, always complaining about something. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: Yeah, and then she comes home and all she does is complain. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: At least I come home! When was the last time you sat down, for just a minute, at our table? We never eat together, talk together! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: I just said my job is time-consuming! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: You say it, but you don’t do anything about it! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Alright! Alright! Let’s calm down! Let’s just take a deep breath, and calm down. OK? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">(All take a deep breath) <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Alright, now, Jeremy tell me why you think Lilly complains too much. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: All she ever does when she sees me is complain about how I’m never home. Or about how I never help around the house. Or about how I don’t do my part of our marriage. It can get so irritating, and sometimes, I don’t even want to go home. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Do you feel that what she says is right? Do you think you could do better in your marriage? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: Look, I got a job to do. Just like you, just like Lilly, and just like every adult who wants to bring home some bacon. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Ok, Lilly how about you? What do you feel when Jeremy isn’t home? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: I am so tired of him using his job as an excuse! I got a stressful job, too, but I come home and try to make an effort for this relationship. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: No, you don’t! You always threaten to leave; you always say you could do just fine without me! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: Because I can! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: So why don’t you leave! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">(There is a pause) <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Awkward… <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: Do you really want me to leave? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: You know I don’t. I just wish you wouldn’t make it so hard on me. On us. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: Well, I mean, I guess I do complain a little too much. I could work on it. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: And I could definitely take some time off work; try to be home on the weekends. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: (Tearing up) I just LOVE happy endings! Oh, you guys are so cute! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: You need a tissue? (hands Dr. Devorse a tissue) Alright, I guess we’ll leave a little early. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: Yeah, I can take you out to lunch, and we can talk. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Alright then, you can give my secretary a check when you go out. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: Oh, OK. Honey, you got the checkbook? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: Yes. Dr. Devorse, how much do you ask for? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Five hundred. <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: What? All you did was sit and cry! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Jeremy: We aren’t even staying for the whole hour! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Oh, well. Sucks for you! Go on, out you go! Go live happily ever after! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Lilly: Why did our friends recommend you? <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Dr. Devorse: Because I’m awesome! Bye now! <span style="font-family: 'Baskerville Old Face','serif'; font-size: 96px;">THE END