Quick+Scenes

** THE PRIEST AND THE ENGINEER ** **// (There is a Priest and an Engineer onstage playing golf) //** Engineer: **//(Hits the ball and looks after it. Then he throws up his hand)//** Oh, crap! Missed! Priest: Don’t say that or God will punish you.

** THE NEXT HOLE… ** Engineer: **//(Hits the ball and watches again. Angry)//** Crap! Missed! Priest: **//(Getting irritated)//** Don’t say that or God will hurt you.

** THE NEXT HOLE… ** Engineer: **//(Does the same thing he does in the first two holes)//** Ugh! Crap, missed! Priest: Don’t say that or God will kill you!

** THE LAST HOLE… ** Engineer: **//(Misses horribly. He throws his club on the ground and screams his next line)//** CRAP! MISSED! **// (The lights suddenly flash and you here the crackle of lightning indicating a lightning bolt. The Priest drops to the ground dead from the lightning bolt) //** Voice from Above: Oh, crap. Missed.

** THE BARTENDER AND THE DRUNK ** **// (There is a Bartender behind the counter of a bar. He is wiping glasses. A Drunk stumbles in from the right side of the stage and goes up to the Bartender) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Drunk: **//(Slurs words)//** Give me five shots of tequila. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Bartender: No way man. You are way to drunk. I’m gonna get someone to bring you home and— <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Drunk: Eh, I don’t need you. **//(Waves his hand at him like, “I don’t need you.” And stumbles back out of the right entrance. A few seconds later the same Drunk comes stumbling in through the left entrance and goes up to the Bartender)//** Give me five shots of tequila. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Bartender: Like I told you not five seconds ago: no. I’m going to call someone to get you home. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Drunk: Bleh! **//(Stumbles out the left side only to come back through the door right next to the counter, or the center entrance)//** Give me five shots of tequila. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Bartender: Get it through your thick skull! No! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Drunk: **//(His voice is shrill and confused)//** How many bars do you work at!?

<span style="display: block; font-family: Georgia,serif; text-align: center;">** THE MOTHER AND THREE CHILDREN ** <span style="display: block; font-family: Georgia,serif; text-align: center;">**// (A Mother is sitting in a chair reading a book when Rose walks onstage) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Rose: Mommy? Why did you name me Rose? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Mother: Well, because when you were born a rose landed on your head. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (Rose exits and Daisy enters) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Daisy: Mommy? Why did you name me Daisy? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Mother: Well, when you were born a daisy fell on your head. <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (Daisy exits and the last girl enters) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Girl: Uh duh dump duh duh… <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Mother: Quiet, Cinderblock!

<span style="display: block; font-family: Georgia,serif; text-align: center;">** RANDOM ** <span style="display: block; font-family: Georgia,serif; text-align: center;">**// (The Conductor is onstage. A man runs up to him. They speak in slightly reformed British accents) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Man: Conductor! Conductor! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Conductor: What is it? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Man: I think there is a killer loose on the train! <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (A person starts to randomly walk across the stage) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Conductor: How do you know? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Man: **//(Pulls out a gun and shoots the random person who then drops dead. The Man puts away the gun)//** I found a body! **//(Points)//** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">**// (They run over to the person) //** <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Conductor: Good God, man, who do you think could have done this? <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">Man: I don’t know!